Protect yourself; drink Kool-Aid

23Dec06

In a recently leaked report documenting a study on mice, it seems researchers have discovered injecting subject animals with a newly discovered enzyme that suppresses brain activity in the cerebral cortex (the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and critical thought – such as it in rodents) spend 74% more time staring blankly at the sides of their enclosures than those mice without R5-E9 enzyme injections. The research team at Stupid and Clever Mouse Laboratory (SaCML) at Przlcwc University in Adolf, Iowa also found that mice with R5-E9 spent significantly more caloric energy on pursuing small, shiny, colored beads through a maze than those without R5-E9.

Johan Strebnit, president of Kool Cravings, the Public Relations firm representing SaCML, and, incidentally the first PR firm named after a menthol cigarette to be launched in Second Life, says, “SaCML’s corporate partner, [name of partner cannot be discerned from the recording due to electromagnetic interference from a nearby Radio Shack], is mounting an initiative to incorporate R5-E9 into everyday snack foods and beverages. It is their belief that if they can increase the desire of Second Life residents to slavishly follow small, shiny…oh shit are you taping this. Turn that fucking thing off.”

In a related story, recent evidence shows that prolonged exposure to subversive commentary about Second Life leads to extreme physical weakness, heart dysrythmia and vomiting. Dr.Cylon Trebor reports that, in a random sampling of residents, 48% reported at least two of the aforementioned conditions, and an astounding 83% reported at least one. Dr. Cylon goes on to recommend that to avoid these ailments and their sequelae, Second Life residents should refrain from any and all activities that might expose them to opinions that suggest that the metaverse is anything but an organically expanding society of good-hearted lads and lasses for whom charity and kindness are the core motivations. Dr Cylon also recommends increased intake of commonly available snack foods and beverages to combat the deleterious effects of nausea and weakness. In other words, protect yourself from subversion; drink plenty of Kool-Aid.

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